One thing ends

Today, the end begins.

For months I have been reflecting on my recent triple whammy situation. I am undoubtedly in the middle of a midlife crisis that is lasting too long for anyone’s patience. I have also come to the terrifying realization that I have peaked in my surgical career, and I am staring at, in the best case, a long plateau, and in the worst case, a slow and painful decline. Thirdly, and more importantly, I am burnt out, with nothing left to give, or to enjoy from this career.

Each of those situations is a life-altering challenge in its own right. Taken together, they spell out the end of a career. We could debate long and hard, as I have done over the previous months with friends and family, but the truth will always prevail. The sooner I admit this to myself, the sooner I can move on. I have always told people that life is like a book. You could enjoy the current chapter tremendously, but if you want to finish the story, you need to turn the page. By turning the page, you leave that chapter behind. Ideally, you would do that on a high note, before the reality of the situation becomes painful enough to taint all your future memories.

Everyone around me is shocked. I’ve heard it all- why waste a good career (who said anything about wasting?), what could you possibly pivot into (as if my intellectual capital was worthless outside of medicine?), retirement is for older folks (nope, definitely not retiring), are you out of your mind (highly likely, but maybe not a bad thing).

There’s so much to unpack here, possibly two and a half year’s worth of weekly blogs, which is what I intend to do. I don’t have a formal plan yet, but I owe it to myself, my family, and my medical career to make a careful and well thought out exit. For now, I am only holding myself accountable to the dates. Today I begin, and on December 31, 2027, I will hang my white coat. Why such a slow exit? Just in case it’s midlife crisis brain taking over important decisions. I figured if I am bound to regret this, I will see signals in the next couple of years, and I can kaybash the whole thing.

I write this blog for an audience of one- me. If anyone else finds solace in it, then all the better.

B. nerdicus

Comments

One response to “One thing ends”

July 21, 2025

Niko

I think you’re brave. Medicine feels like a one way rocket-ship to the moon that no one can successfully step off of or pivot from. We can – it takes guts but we can. I completed two residencies because of a pivot (IM —>EM) and am now pivoting again to primary care using my IM because even though young me thought the EM schedule would work (with the nights, weekends, and holidays for the foreseeable future) older me can’t stomach the thought of missing that precious time, or spending it utterly exhausted. I applaud you for listening to yourself through all the noise, we only get one life. I love your blog, it definitely speaks to me.

Comments

One response to “One thing ends”