Wow. So much for writing every week. Just looked at the date of the last entry and realized I have not written anything in 6 weeks. Why? The Kids. So, we might as well write about them today.
I am getting a lot of: “Wow, good for you for wanting to change careers…but what about the kids?” Initially, I dismissed this as superficial advice from people who care about me, but don’t know any better. I guess my friends want to make sure that I am not jumping ship without thinking about the other human beings whose well-being is my responsibility. As this question started to come up more frequently, it got me thinking: “What about the kids?”.
My friends are concerned that I might be giving the wrong example. After all, being a doctor is being a good role model. What am I telling my children if I suddenly quit my career? My immediate thought is: “Well, I’m not quitting!” I am making a career change. What comes next will involve hard work, and eventually, great success. Of that, I am certain. However, this is a risky maneuver, and failure remains a possibility.
I wrote about the fact that physicians really have never known risk throughout our entire career. Perhaps this is a good way of showing my children that well-being a risky affair, and that wanting to enhance someone’s emotional state comes at a price of comfort. Maybe it is good for them to see their father take some risk, although it might come at the expense of a less comfortable life . Maybe when my children experience this, they will not be afraid of change.
The next phase of my life will definitely involve moving out of our big, comfortable house in a suburb by the lake, into a smaller house, in the city, where I will be starting the next phase of my career. We might be moving to a country that speaks a different language. They might be needing to adjust a new schools, new friends, and a new existence, in a different language.
Many of my friends are concerned that this is “destabilizing,” for the children. I happen to think that uprooting them from a very comfortable lifestyle, into one that requires grit and readjustment might be a valuable lesson on how to pivot and land on your feet when life hits you sideways.
My friends and loved ones are also concerned, that losing income will negatively affect the kids. Will we still go on the annual ski trip? Will they still be members of the squash and Tennis Club? Will they still go to a posh private school?
Perhaps, yes, perhaps no.
As a child, I was taught that the goal of life is to get a respectable degree, followed by a respectable job, leading to respectable salary, allowing for a respectable life. However, I was not told that this might come at the expense of my own personal happiness and well being. I wonder if my parents knew better, I believe they might have not. However, right now, I know better. Is it not my responsibility to convey that to my children? Should they not know that the tranquil problem-free suburban lifestyle is a myth?
We keep hearing that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Perhaps it is time to give this a try. So, I discussed this with my children. The 15 year old has requested that we should not move before he finishes high school and graduates from his current establishment. This is three years away, and aligns well with my timeline. The 13 year old doesn’t care. He’s quite excited about moving. He is a people’s person, and will not have any adjustment problems. The 10 year old is not having it. He does not want to leave our house, his school, or anything else behind. Many of my friends have come to his defence, but something tells me that this level of attachment is problematic on its own. I promised him that whatever comes next will be equal or even better in what we have now, but he is not having it. Perhaps he is as risk averse as I am. The five year old is too young to care. Knowing him, he’ll be just fine.
I suspect that my children will be okay. Although, it is also possible that they might suffer emotional trauma of epic and irreparable proportions. They’ll have enough in their college fund for therapy, if needed.
B. nerdicus
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